Today, we will dive deeper into the fact of how to resolve conflicts in children peacefully. After all the tactics you learned in the previous blogs, your children are adamant about getting that candy or giving them a phone or tab to watch Netflix, it sure creates an environment filled with massive chaos.
Hence today we focus on parents who have two or more children. Now let’s cut to the chase and learn it – no, no, not in the traditional way but in effective scientific ways and personal experience.
This time we will learn how to connect with kids by understanding their emotions, problems, fear, and resentment and swap them with empathy and problem-solving skills.
Guess what? Your kids are capable of so much more than just literally obeying orders, see them bejeweled.
Consequences vs. Punishment: It's Not the Same Thing
Imagine you come back after picking up letters from the letter box and your kid broke a vase or maybe messed up the room badly, in just a few seconds
What would the traditional response be?
I hear you, grounding them, right?
But what if we turn the tables and give them the task of cleaning up after they created the mess and also teach them a lesson that “Cleaning up is a bit boring but a happy task” so when anything like this happens you would have to clean up after it.
Allowing your child to see the outcome of their consequences would be great. Another example of it would be, if they didn’t leave the toys scattered, they would not be missing some pieces here and there.
Explaining the consequences of their actions is far more effective than grounding them ever could.
Express Yourself (Without Yelling):
I bet you remember the time you messed up in your childhood and your parents gave you that “look”? That one look could communicate disappointment without a single word. Yeah, that’s right, it’s the power of strong, clear communication.
Expressing your dissatisfaction with your child’s actions doesn’t require yelling, screaming or perhaps threats. All it needs is a calming, firm ‘I am disappointed in your choice” can have a much bigger effect than any punishment ever could.
From Sorry to Action:
Resolving conflicts by just saying “sorry” isn’t gonna help anyone unless the mistakes aren’t repeated.
Did your child break their brother’s toy?
Encourage them to help fix it together.
Did they yell at you in frustration?
The other parent should help them write a heartfelt apology letter.
All these actions teach them responsibility and empathy, which are much more valuable than sitting in a corner for an hour or two.
Empowered Choices, Not Empty Threats:
We have covered the part where yelling or giving them orders is the traditional way of teaching kids to resolve conflict and it’s not very effective either. Instead, give them a choice.
For instance, Do they want to clean their room before or after dinner?
Would they prefer reading or playing outside?
This sense of control encourages them to make responsible decisions with boundaries. It’s more about guiding them towards positive choices.
Sometimes, You Gotta Step In:
Yes, I know taking care of everyone is a big task. You need to step in when your child is about to throw a toy or lego at their sibling or maybe when they are trying to run into the street.
But even at these moments, focus on protection, not punishment.
Explain exactly why their actions are not safe and you need to find a safer alternative together.
Problem-Solving Partners, Not Dictators:
You need to think of your child as your teammate and not your opponent. When a difficult behavior comes, work together to find a solution.
Accept their feelings, understand their problems, brainstorm ideas, and test them out - like a little science experiment.
This collaborative way teaches them valuable problem-solving skills and builds trust.
Reflection: Your Past Shapes Your Present:
When you think about your own childhood experiences that include punishment. Tell me, did it make you a better person? I am guessing probably a no. We are today trying to convey how our past shapes our parenting in the present, and how we can break free from ineffective cycles.
Punishment? No Thanks, We'll Have Empathy:
Instead of focusing on inflicting consequences, let's shift our focus toward understanding the root cause of our children's actions.
Why are they acting out?
What unmet needs are they trying to communicate?
By fostering empathy and taking responsibility, we create a positive and cooperative family dynamic where learning and growth take center stage.
Raising kids is a messy but beautiful journey. There will be tantrums, tears, and triumphs. But by ditching the drama and embracing a more peaceful approach, we can create a home filled with understanding, empathy, and the incredible potential for growth – in both our children and ourselves.
So, parents, let's put down the rulebook. Our kids are listening, and they're ready to learn. Let's build a future where conflict resolution is a collaborative art of play, not a power struggle. Let's raise kind, responsible humans who understand the impact of their actions and thrive in a world of connection and compassion.
Remember, it's not about being perfect, it's about progress.
One peaceful conversation at a time, we can rewrite the story of childhood, one family at a time.
To know more about peaceful effective parenting, read the book here.